Monday, February 28, 2011
Go Mr. Bella!
My husband has already lost almost 20 pounds, from less than a month of eating healthy and working out. Wow, I'm really impressed with him! I know there's obviously no way he can continue his weight loss at that pace (and really, once he hits another 30 pounds, he'll really be at a pretty healthy weight for his height). Why can't women lose it that quickly? *pouts*
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Major Changes
DH and I are both going through some major life changes right now, and it feels amazing! I'm not going to be sad about the IUI anymore. It's in the past, it didn't work, and we're moving on.
Right now, instead of focusing on my own sadness which I've done for way too long, I'm going to start enjoying life for the first time in a long time. DH joined Gold's Gym a few weeks ago and has bought some sessions with a personal trainer. They're expensive and I was against it at first, but he pointed out to me that if he's going to get in shape, he needs to make sure that he doesn't injure himself in the process. So, that means he needs to make sure he's using the equipment properly as he's getting back to working out again for the first time in over 10 years. DH joined the Air Force right after high school and had to drop weight to get in...obviously he had to work out throughout Basic Training and all of that, but then he was in the Guard and did the whole one-weekend a month thing (to pay for college). He gained ALL of the weight he had lost and then some. I am so, so proud of him and this is something I have been wanting him to do for YEARS. Funny how nagging doesn't work. If it wasn't for the crappy S/A results, I don't know if he ever would've found this motivation. He's watching everything he eats, counting calories and is working out. I am so, so proud of him and am so lucky to have him.
So I can't have DH out there working out, getting fit, while I sit around and feel sorry for myself. It's just not going to happen. I lost 20 lbs. on Weight Watchers a few years ago, then got laid off from my job, got depressed and gained it all back. I've been yo-yo dieting for pretty much as far back as I can remember and I'm done with that too. I've decided, I'm joining Gold's Gym and DH and I are going to start having workout dates! We went and worked out together yesterday and after 40 minutes of some cardio, I high fived DH and said, "We're doing this." If I'm not going to get pregnant, then I'm going to get skinny! I can't remember the last time I felt so determined about something and I'm really really excited about it. When I was doing Weight Watchers a few years ago, DH kind of laughed at me. He complimented me, said I looked better, but I never really felt like he was 100% supportive of my efforts. I was hoping that my weight loss would motivate him and it didn't. Then I gained it back and obviously that wasn't going to motivate him, lol. But now we're doing it together.
Take that, Infertility. I'll show you -- you think you're going to get us down, but we're fighting back!
Right now, instead of focusing on my own sadness which I've done for way too long, I'm going to start enjoying life for the first time in a long time. DH joined Gold's Gym a few weeks ago and has bought some sessions with a personal trainer. They're expensive and I was against it at first, but he pointed out to me that if he's going to get in shape, he needs to make sure that he doesn't injure himself in the process. So, that means he needs to make sure he's using the equipment properly as he's getting back to working out again for the first time in over 10 years. DH joined the Air Force right after high school and had to drop weight to get in...obviously he had to work out throughout Basic Training and all of that, but then he was in the Guard and did the whole one-weekend a month thing (to pay for college). He gained ALL of the weight he had lost and then some. I am so, so proud of him and this is something I have been wanting him to do for YEARS. Funny how nagging doesn't work. If it wasn't for the crappy S/A results, I don't know if he ever would've found this motivation. He's watching everything he eats, counting calories and is working out. I am so, so proud of him and am so lucky to have him.
So I can't have DH out there working out, getting fit, while I sit around and feel sorry for myself. It's just not going to happen. I lost 20 lbs. on Weight Watchers a few years ago, then got laid off from my job, got depressed and gained it all back. I've been yo-yo dieting for pretty much as far back as I can remember and I'm done with that too. I've decided, I'm joining Gold's Gym and DH and I are going to start having workout dates! We went and worked out together yesterday and after 40 minutes of some cardio, I high fived DH and said, "We're doing this." If I'm not going to get pregnant, then I'm going to get skinny! I can't remember the last time I felt so determined about something and I'm really really excited about it. When I was doing Weight Watchers a few years ago, DH kind of laughed at me. He complimented me, said I looked better, but I never really felt like he was 100% supportive of my efforts. I was hoping that my weight loss would motivate him and it didn't. Then I gained it back and obviously that wasn't going to motivate him, lol. But now we're doing it together.
Take that, Infertility. I'll show you -- you think you're going to get us down, but we're fighting back!
IUI #1 Was A Bust
It's official: IUI #1 was a failure. On Friday, I was crushed. I just couldn't believe it. Why was I so sure that it would work? The odds were obviously not in our favor -- with that being the first time I've ever been on any sort of fertility medication (it may take several tries to get the right combination), combined with DH's super low sperm count. Of COURSE it didn't work. I think I'm irritated with myself at how high I had gotten my hopes up about it. We were supposed to have a November baby, 11/11/11 to be exact. We were going to have all sorts of 'nerd fun' with a 'binary baby' and we were going to announce to our families on Easter, right around 2nd tri that we were expecting.
Oh, Infertility, how you've fooled me once again. I thought I had you beaten down, but you have proven me wrong.
Where do we go from here? Honestly, I'm not sure. I know I still need my HSG and DH is going to likely need some bloodwork and probably an ultrasound to determine what's going on with him. But as far as when we will do another treatment cycle, I'm just not sure at this point. What I can say for certain is that I'll get through this just like I've gotten through everything else in my life -- with my head held high and with even more determination to get through the next big hurdle.
Oh, Infertility, how you've fooled me once again. I thought I had you beaten down, but you have proven me wrong.
Where do we go from here? Honestly, I'm not sure. I know I still need my HSG and DH is going to likely need some bloodwork and probably an ultrasound to determine what's going on with him. But as far as when we will do another treatment cycle, I'm just not sure at this point. What I can say for certain is that I'll get through this just like I've gotten through everything else in my life -- with my head held high and with even more determination to get through the next big hurdle.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
What Goes Up Must Come Down
Maybe my chart was just looking a little TOO good to be true. Today, I had a decent sized temp drop. It could mean nothing (I'm still above the coverline) or it could mean that it's only a matter of time before AF shows.
I've been feeling a slight amount of cramping since 3DPO. Today was the most that it's been. I wouldn't have been shocked if AF had arrived today, honestly. She's still holding off, for now.
The bad thing about VERY rarely ovulating is that a) I have no idea what my normal LP is, and b) I have no idea what my body normally does between ovulation and AF. The cramping, lower back pain, and occasional creamy CM could be early pregnancy symptoms. Or they could just be the after effects of ovulation and pre-AF symptoms. Only time will tell.
I've been feeling a slight amount of cramping since 3DPO. Today was the most that it's been. I wouldn't have been shocked if AF had arrived today, honestly. She's still holding off, for now.
The bad thing about VERY rarely ovulating is that a) I have no idea what my normal LP is, and b) I have no idea what my body normally does between ovulation and AF. The cramping, lower back pain, and occasional creamy CM could be early pregnancy symptoms. Or they could just be the after effects of ovulation and pre-AF symptoms. Only time will tell.
Monday, February 21, 2011
I Just Don't "Feel" Pregnant
Today is 10DPO and, I'm not going to lie, my chart looks amazing. I feel like I should be giddy just looking at it, but I'm still a bundle of nerves. I don't feel any different. My lower back is a little bit achy, every now and then I have a random abdominal cramp, but otherwise, I feel the exact same. I'm checking the toilet paper everytime I go to the bathroom for signs of AF, and the mere thought of taking a pregnancy test makes me very, very nervous. Every morning when I take my temperature, I'm a bundle of nerves. I'm hopeful that my temperature will stay up, but I'm scared to death that it's all going to come crashing down. How on earth am I going to get through the next couple of days with some of my sanity in tact?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Still Waiting
This 2WW is dragging by. I feel like it's messing with my head too. One minute, I feel really excited, like this is going to happen this month, and the next minute, I feel like I'm setting myself up for the biggest disappointment of my life, by being so hopeful.
I'm ready for a lot of things. I'm ready to be a mom, and I'm ready for pregnancy and everything good and bad that comes with it. What I'm not ready for is to see a big fat negative on a pregnancy test. What I'm not ready for is to go to the bathroom and find out that my period has arrived yet again. I'm not ready for that yet.
I'm going to try my best to hold out until next Friday, a week from today, to test, if I possibly can. That is when my RE's office suggested that I test and since I'll be 14 DPO on that day, I feel confident that I'll get an accurate result that day. Of course, my period could arrive by then (and I'm already nervous every time I go to the bathroom checking for it), but if I can just make it that far without it, then maybe, just maybe, I will get my BFP.
I'm ready for a lot of things. I'm ready to be a mom, and I'm ready for pregnancy and everything good and bad that comes with it. What I'm not ready for is to see a big fat negative on a pregnancy test. What I'm not ready for is to go to the bathroom and find out that my period has arrived yet again. I'm not ready for that yet.
I'm going to try my best to hold out until next Friday, a week from today, to test, if I possibly can. That is when my RE's office suggested that I test and since I'll be 14 DPO on that day, I feel confident that I'll get an accurate result that day. Of course, my period could arrive by then (and I'm already nervous every time I go to the bathroom checking for it), but if I can just make it that far without it, then maybe, just maybe, I will get my BFP.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Officially in the 2WW
I have to ask, HOW do people do this every month? Seriously, I just keep staring at my chart. I have no idea what I'm expecting to see (I'm only 4DPO today), but I can't stop looking at it. This is pretty much the first chance I've actually had to get pregnant in the past 14 months we've been TTC. I wish I could somehow fast forward the next 10 days or so, so I could test and find out, one way or the other. Even Mr. Bella is taking an interest in my chart. He's never taken any kind of interest before in my charting "habit," but he asked me last night if he could see it, so I showed it to him and tried to explain that it looks good so far. And....we wait.
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